SexyMap is Terrifying
This blog is based on hate, and there is very little I hate more than SexyMap. Not only is the mod a disaster area of bloated options, it also comes with the ugliest art I’ve ever seen. Literally, I can’t imagine something uglier. That’s not really true – in fact, typing “ugly” into google image search produces significantly more repulsive results. But that’s not really important. I realize there are a lot of people out there who think SexyMap looks good and I respect your opinion to the extent the law requires. But if you’re one of those people, you probably shouldn’t read on.
*Hint: Read the Alt Text*
Hi, I’m a Massive Addon
So sexy minimap can do a lot of things. I’m pretty sure that if I lost my dog, SexyMap could track it via the GPS embedded in her collar. Some of that bloat is okay; for example, the mouseover crap-o-rama feature displays all the useless junk people don’t need and are too lazy to get rid of on their minimap. It also has scroll zoom, which is nice. With all of these features comes a non-trivial memory footprint** and an impossibly confusing options menu. It’s not really that difficult, and really the only difficult part of it is the texture manipulation stuff…but honestly, a minimap mod should do 3 things: let you move the minimap, let you make the minimap square and add a 1px colored border to the minimap, and allow you to hide all the stupid bullshit around the map (I suppose that’s 4 things, but whatever). SexyMap does so much more. Let’s see the features listed on the internts:
Make your minimap ubersexah! – /facepalm
SexyMap is a minimap awesomification mod, supporting:
- Minimap moving, and movement of things like the quest tracker and durability frame – Good start! One of the three things the mod should do!
- Hiding of all buttons attached to the minimap (can be set to be always hidden, or to show on minimap hover) – An essential! Hovering is okay, if you’re lazy.
- Mousewheel minimap zoom, and auto zoom-out. – Indeed, absolutely necessary.
- Ping notification – Uh, I guess?
- Customization of zone text – What? This needs to be customized…or displayed? Sorry, I have location dysmorphic disorder and have to be constantly reminded where I am . . .
- Sexy minimap border options, extremely configurable, with several slammin’ presets. – Oh god.
- A HUD overlay for resource gathering, target tracking, and more. – …
Ain’t Winnin No Fashion Week Awards
Honestly, I could handle the fact that this mod is as bloated as Windows Vista if it weren’t for the fucking horrific artwork. It’s the worst of the worst, bottom-of the barrel-wow forums awful. I can’t really describe how miserable it makes me feel to know that someone, somewhere uses this and thinks it looks better than Amy Winehouse’s face. Honestly, I’d rather stick it in her mouth than one of these textures.
It’s not just that some all of the textures are ugly horrifying, some of them fucking spin. Can anyone honestly say that a spinning minimap texture improves their lives? At best it’s just a stupid gimmick, and at worst it’s a distraction. I can see it now: “Oh, sorry I ate a void zone and fucked up Immortal everyone…but i just installed this new minimap mod and some of the border options SPIN!” Seriously, suck my duck (family friendly blog, right?).
Without further stalling for time, I present to you the remaining 12 “slammin presets” from SexyMap
